Live Like You Were Dying......

Well, The countdown is on.  15ish hours until my CT.  It's just a simple scan, so why the Hell are my nerves completely shot?  I've been told that surgery is probably unavoidable, but we're not even there yet, I've got some time before I have to worry about how to hide it and everything else from family and friends.  I'm beginning to look like an alcoholic, even to myself, but not surprisingly nobody has mentioned, or for that matter even noticed, the fact that someone who rarely drank unless she was partying with friends has been ingesting copious amounts of Jack and/or Fireball every night for the last month or so.  I'm sure my liver loves me right now.  Anyway, I need to go find something productive, or at least mentally occupying to do for these last few hours  otherwise I'm going to go completely crazy (some would argue I have been for years), I guess the point to this is just to ask that if anyone happens to stumble across it, and you feel so inclined, I'd appreciate it if you'd take the time to say a quick prayer.  both for the scan  and that I don't hear from my Dr's office bumping my appointment up on account of these results.  And I do want to say I'm very thankful for my friend Jenn, one of 4 people in my life who know the full extent of what's going on, and who refuses to let me give up and check out, says she's happy to risk becoming known solely as "The Pain In My Ass" if it means I stick around.  So, even though I know she won't see this it needs to be said (yes, I have told her personally as well)  Thanks Jenn, I don't know where I'd be without you right now, probably not here writing this, and I truly appreciate the company tomorrow.